He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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