you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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