Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
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