What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
