Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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