Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
