After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
