I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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