you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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