I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
