Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
