if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
