so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
