I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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