i can't believe i had my finger in that
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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