Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize
