He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
