Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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