U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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