why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
