I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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