Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
