You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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