I wish I could teleport
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
