You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
