i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
