Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
