My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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