all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
