I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize