tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
