You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
