I have demons in me.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
