Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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