you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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