dude i'm inner monologue high
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
