I just gift wrapped bread.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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