This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
