Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
