lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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