Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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