Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
