I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize