Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You made out with two different species that night
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
