dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
