She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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