It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We got so high we made milksteak
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
