I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
