Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
