Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
