dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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