are you so shy because you have an std?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
