Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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