you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize