Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Randomize
