Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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