in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
