just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
