dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
