420 ftw
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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