we were pretty classy up until the second keg
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
