You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
