just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
