Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
