I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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