you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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