It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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