just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
