when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
