Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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