It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize