the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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