I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
