For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
