Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You took a bar mat shot.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
