ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
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