I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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