dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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