Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
