i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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