So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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