Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
