Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
