her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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