you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize