Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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