It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
