He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize