There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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