dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize