the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
