maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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